Going to start with something light first before I get more into my thoughts throughout this post. We're back at my garage door (my infamous vibrant purple garage door as seen in my past posts), this time the pictures were shot with my car lights instead of natural lighting/studio lighting. Just thought it was interesting to try something new with my fashion outfit posts. Oh, and I wore my new heels with no heels (?!)
I've been debating whether to publicize my recent inner thoughts online for a while now; I hesitated a lot due to fear of what others thought and the feedback I would get etc etc etc. So with many new things in the post (lol) it's my little excuse to share.
A few months ago, I decided to quit my job. It was once my dream job, a career path I thought I would be able to climb the corporate ladder and I thought I was living the reality I've always wanted. I planned out my studies, how I would network and everything was falling into place. I remember I prayed every night for that position and how many blessings my family and friends gave me. However, that same position made me extremely upset and depressed. The position has given me all the superficial rewards that everyone outside of the job would admire: money, benefits, longer vacation, location (financial district), tech stuff, responsibility etc. Although many of my friends and family were happy, proud and amazed by my position, I know first hand the hardships I'm faced with the position.
After I quit that job, I went through a really hard time with myself (and still recovering from actually). I'm my worst critic, I judged myself from head to toe and thought I was entirely worthless. I felt myself not as social as before when I'm with friends, extremely sensitive to conversations when it's just casual chit chats. I also feel like I lost my go-getter edge and I couldn't get myself together to apply to jobs. I even stayed away from God when I need him most. I praised and was so thankful for all the great things happening in my life but during this difficult time, I felt like I brought this upon myself so I don't deserve His blessings. I felt like I prayed so hard for something that's not suitable for me and I feel like I shamed all the blessings I was given (friends and family prayed so hard for me for that position). I know some people are probably like, geez, it's just a job. To me, I'm very career focused and planned everything out. This made me feel like... I failed. I did this to myself. No back up plan at all. Lost and falling deeper in a dark hole. Something I don't experience very often.
I've been a lot better since and I have so many people to be thankful for. I don't want to go thank everyone right now because I feel like I have yet to achieve anything just yet. However, in particular, there are two people that really boosted me up. First, my mother used the gospel and encouraged me. I'm pretty shocked because she never used to do this before until now. She used to just use her life experiences as examples for me. The other is Josephine from church, her chat with me truly lifted me up.
Finally, God has a plan for us. Yes, I got what I prayed for and it did not work out for me. However, God wouldn't have blessed me with it if He didn't have a purpose/meaning within it. I need to continue believing in Him and have faith in His plans for me.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.
Pleather Sleeves Jacket from Hong Kong
H&M Sequins Sweater Knit
Danier Leather Skirt
Silver Metallic Crossover Bag from Target
American Apparel Opaque Pantyhose in Sangria
Jeffrey Campbell Night Walk in Lavender Suede (hauled in this post)